tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
