My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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