I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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