Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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