I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
