I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
