Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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