After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
