if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize