The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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