What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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