3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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