I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
