Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
