yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
