he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
