Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
