Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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