I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
