I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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