How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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