I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
