Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
