I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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