Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
