she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
