Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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