Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
