I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
