Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
