As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
