dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."