he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.