That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So many bounce houses so little time
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!