The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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