so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Randomize
