We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
