you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is Oprah even human
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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