god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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