just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
