Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You took a bar mat shot.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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