just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
