this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
