His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
