Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
