I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
