Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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