When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
