Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
