since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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