I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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