The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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