my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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