Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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