Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize