Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
