I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize