we're blogging at a bar
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
